


"Blaine, that's not funny!"

by Kamron01



Category: Glee
Genre: Blaine and Kurt being adorable, Horror, M/M, Not that scary though, Shameless Smut, Smut, almost pornographic if I'm being honest, honestly it's just crack but it was fun to write, light-hearted to a sense, then Blaine being 'punished', then Blaine being stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamron01/pseuds/Kamron01
Summary: One-shot Klaine.Kurt and Blaine watch a horror film. Kurt gets scared and Blaine gets spanked.That's like the vaguest summary I could think of... but please do read it lol.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson & Santana Lopez, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	"Blaine, that's not funny!"

“Holy… Jesus what the fuck!”

“For a guy who doesn’t believe in religion, you sure as hell do swear to God a lot…”

“Shut up! Remind me why I agreed to watch this with you?” Blaine tilts his head forward and nibbles on Kurt’s ear. They’re lounging on the couch, Blaine fitted to the corner of the sofa with Kurt nestled in his arms. Kurt’s head resting on Blaine’s chest as Blaine’s hand lazily, unconsciously strokes up and down Kurt’s side. Kurt can hear every little heartbeat emanating from Blaine’s muscled chest, the sound warm and comforting as they watch the scariest fucking movie Kurt’s ever seen. It was Blaine’s idea; all the stupid ideas so happen to come from Blaine and Kurt’s not really sure what that means – just that his boyfriend is an idiot. Somehow, he managed to snag a guy who’s: handsome, romantic, loving, intelligent and dorky all wrapped together with a bow like a Christmas present. Blaine’s sense of adventure always leads them to doing something mind-numbingly stupid, such as: the first time they went to England together and Blaine convinced Kurt to ride The Smiler – the overwhelming amount of loops and twists left Kurt petrified; or when Blaine, Sam and himself were walking through the woods at 1am because why the fuck not; or when Rachel and Santana stayed over and Blaine convinced them to try the Ouija Board at 3am. Rachel and Kurt were terrified for a week before Blaine and Santana confessed to moving it around to mess with them. Honestly, Blaine and Santana fit way too perfectly – almost too perfectly that sometimes Kurt feels a little threatened. He knows they’re incompatible – Santana’s gay and Blaine, whilst admitting that he’s had feelings for girls in the past, identifies as gay. But still, Kurt can literally see Blaine and Santana being a couple in another lifetime. For now, he’ll just have to suffer as them being friends, because my God are they the most annoying friends. But he loves them, Blaine more so considering they’re boyfriends.

“Well,” Blaine whispers into Kurt’s ears, his breath hot and humid against Kurt’s skin, “if I agreed to let you tie me up, you agreed to watch this film with me despite how much you’re terrified of them…” Kurt blushes at the flashback he gets at Blaine’s words. He remembers tying Blaine up to the bedposts, his hands and feet bound and his eyes shielded. He remembers the desperate noises which fell from Blaine’s mouth, the pleas and the begging. Begging for Kurt to do something and if that doesn’t bring Kurt to full hardness, then the memory of being inside of Blaine does and the way he screamed when he came and…

“Oh my god. Katie turn left you fucking idiot!” Blaine screams at the TV, bringing Kurt straight form his momentary day-dream. Kurt curls further into Blaine’s side and hides his face into Blaine’s arm. From there, all he can smell is Blaine – the beautiful earthy scent with a hint of spice and he moans slightly. Leave him alone, they haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks because Blaine’s been away in New Orleans. Kurt’s not even surprised he’s desperate for Blaine. For some reason they thought skype sex would alleviate their needs but it just made Kurt want Blaine more. Before he can even worry if Blaine heard the noise, he feels a hand move slightly down his body and cup his ass and oh god – if Blaine doesn’t do something, Kurt’s just going to straddle Blaine and ride him into oblivion. Just when he thinks Blaine’s caught on, he sees that all too familiar grin and hears the words, “You want some more pop-corn?”

Kurt internally groans before nodding… maybe this will give him a chance to get himself under control, and cool down his raging boner. He rolls over slightly to allow Blaine to jump from the couch and walk to the kitchen. And Kurt’s not sure if it’s his over-stimulated horny mind or if Blaine’s consciously doing it – but Kurt can swear that Blaine’s swinging his hips from side to side as he walks, his ass basically asking to be fucked and… oh god he’s so damn horny. He pulls his eyes away and focuses back onto the movie playing on Blaine’s TV.

After what seems like 35 minutes and a couple of on-screen deaths, Kurt glances to the hallway, half-expecting Blaine to walk through. The door to the hallway is behind him and the kitchen is further on down and… maybe it’s just the movie, but Kurt is starting to panic at the disappearance of his boyfriend. Yeah he’s definitely being over-dramatic, he hasn’t even gone to check whether Blaine’s still making the pop-corn. He jumps up from the couch and leaves for the kitchen, leaving the movie still playing because the less of that he can see the better.

Kurt walks through the doorway into the hallway and notices that the lights are all completely switched off. The kitchen at the end is completely dark, only the red light from the kitchen TV is on, blinking at Kurt. He looks up the stairs to see if maybe Blaine has gone up, but from what he can see, all the upstairs lights are off as well. Well this is fucking creepy, Kurt thinks, mentally smacking himself for allowing Blaine to go off alone. Of course his dickhead of a boyfriend will think it’s a good idea to scare the living crap out of Kurt. You see, Kurt doesn’t do horror. Never has and never will. Something about Blaine makes Kurt want to try new things but horror… nope. The only reason they’re even watching this movie is because he’s living up to his end of the deal. He wants to just retreat back into the living room and wait… yeah that might make him a coward but so what? Just as he walks into the living room he notices the movie still playing but it’s muted. And oh god… why the fuck is Blaine doing this – Kurt knows it’s him.

“Come on Blaine, I know it’s you… Stop being a dick and come back.” He’s met with silence and just as he glances at the TV, the woman’s throat is slit. Fuck, fuck, fuck now he’s shitting it. He walks back over to the couch to get the remote, but it’s not there. He doesn’t know what to do, but the eerie silence which fills the room is definitely not what he wants to hear. The sound of silence is causing Kurt’s hair on the back of his neck to stand, his skin erupting into tiny little goose bumps. It allows his head to race with a thousand thoughts of just how bad this can really go. He knows none of them are entirely plausible… but still. Kurt walks to the TV and fishes around the side for the volume buttons. After what can only be described as Kurt caressing the TV, did he find the relevant switch and mentally laughs to himself – Fuck you Blaine, I’m just too smart for you. He flicks the switch and the sounds which screeches through the room is not what he was expecting. The TV is blasting at probably ear-deafening decibels, causing Kurt to erupt into violent screams. Holy shit, that’s not what he was expecting. The screams from the TV screen bounce off the blackened walls, filling every nook and cranny with vibrations. Kurt slams the off button and the whole room is dead quiet. Or at least is would be if Kurt’s mind wasn’t lagging behind. Even though the TV is off, Kurt can still hear the shrill voice of the character screaming, echoing in his head.

“For God’s sake Blaine… this isn’t funny.” Again he’s met with silence, the while room clouded in darkness. He looks around, the front windows overlooking the porch are closed and curtained. Th back windows however are not. Kurt can just make out the tree which stands in the corner of Blaine’s garden and – no that’s just in his head. Kurt squints his eyes, focusing deeply on the figure which looks as if it standing right next to the tree. They look cloaked, and yeah – that’s definitely Blaine. If it wasn’t for the white shoes, then it would’ve been the height which gave him away. Kurt just shakes his head and walks back into the hallway.

Colour him confused, or maybe terrified is a better choice of word. The hallway is pretty narrow and long, and Kurt can no longer see the TV light blinking in the kitchen. Kurt squints his eyes – okay maybe he needs glasses and refuses to wear them, sue him, but he’s pretty sure he can see another figure standing to the side. Kurt takes a tentative step forward to see clearer, but then jumps two steps back. The dark figure ran from the right side of the hallway through a door on the left. Okay, now he’s fully shitting it.

“Blaine please, it’s not funny anymore. Well it wasn’t really funny to begin with but come one… I’m actually kind of creeped out.” In a moment of utter clarity, or maybe it’s stupidity, but Kurt walks forward. He can hear ragged breathing and the whiz of the washing machine which he doesn’t remember hearing before. It’s all too… planned. Somehow that thought scares Kurt even more. Step by step, he walks closer to the end of the hallway, just as he’s about to turn the corner, he hears the backdoor of the house swing open. It crashes into the wall, causing the keys to ring loudly. The sound of metal jingling echoes through the house, and leaves Kurt’s petrified-self sitting, staring strangely at the kitchen. His body seems to respond a few seconds too late, evident by the searing pain which shoots from his ass – colliding with the wooden floor hurt a lot more than he imagined it would. 

Kurt’s breathing begins to quicken. Maybe it’s because everything feels too real, or maybe it’s because of the figure which is slowly walking into the house through the backdoor. Everything is dark and black, and he can’t make out clearly what’s going on – that is until the kitchen door opens and the figure is standing there, just looking at him. That’s not Blaine. Kurt knows for sure that it’s not – he can’t explain how he knows, he just does. His eyes widen when the hooded figure walks forward and then… it runs. It runs straight at Kurt and in moment of agility he didn’t know he had, Kurt gets up and runs like hell. He slides across the wooden floor, using the wooden banister as a pivot before scaling the stairs. He wants to scream, to shout at Blaine for being such a dickhead, but then it’s clearly not Blaine doing this. That person running at him is most definitely not his boyfriend, and confusion and fear mix in with the ever-growing pot of emotions swirling inside of him. Kurt reaches the top of the stairs and turns left, running straight into Blaine’s room. The sounds of his breathing swallow the room whole, and so he clamps his hand over his mouth and runs quietly to hide in one of the wardrobes. He slowly closes the door and crouches down – careful not to knock off any of Blaine’s shirts from the hangers. Just as he reaches the wardrobe floor, he hears breathing. It’s as if it’s right next to him, slow and languid breaths. His hand is no use, he’s pretty sure whatever – or mainly whoever, is chasing him can already hear him because as soon as he hears the words, “Hello Kurt.” He screams. Full-on, high-pitched scream which bounces off all the walls of the house. Jumping from the wardrobe, he falls face-first onto the floor, tears beginning to slip from his cerulean blue eyes.

Laughs. He hears laughing and then the lights turn on. The laughs sounds somewhat familiar, but definitely not Blaine. They sound like… no way. Kurt pulls his face form the floor and looks up into those very same brown eyes, unable to form coherent words.

“Payback is a bitch, Lady Hummel.” Kurt sees Blaine walk in from the upstairs hallway, a somewhat guilty look sprawled across his face. To his right, he sees the wardrobe door open and Sam crawls out, looking somewhat guilty too but less so than his dickhead of a boyfriend. Because who the hell goes through this much trouble to scare the one they’re meant to love. What the actual fuck!

“What the fuck!” Kurt says whilst standing up, “You guys are fucking dickheads…” Blaine moves forward before Kurt flinches, “Don’t fucking touch me! How the hell is this funny? Who the fuck does something like that?”

“Oh calm down. It was all my idea… Blainers here had no choice but to join in if he knows what’s good for him” She winks at Blaine before sitting on the bed.

“I’m sorry Kurt, she kind of forced me and I know we took it too far but – “

“Leave me alone.” Kurt shrugs off Blaine’s hand and walks out of the room. He can hear Blaine and Santana speaking, or more so Blaine telling Santana she went too far, but it doesn’t matter. That was the most scared he’s ever been and to say that his own boyfriend had a part in it just leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Because no way does someone who loves you, scare you like that. Kurt picks up his keys and phone and makes way for the front door. He can hear Blaine calling out to him, but chooses to ignore. He slams the front door on his way out, just wanting to drive home and call it a night.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Kurt, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not speaking to you…”

“Why did you come over then?” Kurt looks back at those hazel eyes and his resolve just crumbles. That plus he most definitely did come over to speak to Blaine – but that doesn’t mean he’s not pissed at Blaine either.

“Just… who the fuck does that Blaine. That was messed up…” Blaine looks down and sighs. When his eyes meet Kurt’s again, they’re full of undeniable guilt and oh god… it’s the puppy dog eyes. No way is he getting away with this using those damn eyes – how Blaine manages to look like a hurt puppy you accidentally just kicked is beyond Kurt, so is the will to deny anything Blaine wants when he looks at Kurt like that.

“I’m sorry… Santana kind of forced me.” At Kurt’s silent plea for more, Blaine carries on, “She has a really embarrassing video of me that I would rather no one saw, so… Plus she wanted payback for when you embarrassed her in front of Dani last week.”

“The way that I embarrassed her? When the hell did I… oh,” Kurt’s face lights up as he remembers a very drunk version of himself telling Dani about that time Santana was dating a guy with a prosthetic leg, “Oh my god I remember what I said…”

“Could you tell me what happened because I could really use something to get back at her.” Blaine’s eyes are wide with hope and mischief – because yeah Kurt’s definitely dating a 24 year old child.

Kurt just laughs, “Nope… I’ve already suffered at the hands of Santana once. I don’t exactly hope to suffer again.” Blaine pouts. That adorable little pout which makes Kurt just want to bundle his boyfriend into a little ball and hug his troubles away. “I’m still pissed at you…”

“I’m sorry, just tell me what I need to do to make it up to you.” Kurt’s eyes darken as a thousand different scenarios pop into his head. All the horniness from yesterday comes crashing into him like a tidal wave, drowning him in a sea of hunger. Kurt walks forward and kisses Blaine on the lips before moving to his ear and whispers, “Get on the bed, hands and knees. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” Blaine’s breath hitches as he eagerly nods, running up the stairs. Kurt walks to the kitchen to get a glass of water, his throat suddenly dry as his mind lays restless in anticipation. They haven’t slept together in weeks and Kurt just needs to take.

Up the stairs and on the bed lays Blaine, naked. His olive skin sprawled across the bed on a silver platter – waiting and so very open. The sight leaves Kurt’s mouth watering. There’s not many times that Kurt dominates Blaine – not that he doesn’t like to or anything, just that the mood never really calls for it. But now… now Kurt just wants to _punish_ Blaine and wow, that thought is pretty dark. Kurt walks into the room, closing the door behind even though there’s no one else home who could hear. He trails around the bed, just looking at Blaine. His strong thighs are hoisted upwards, his legs bent at his knees as his ass is almost presented to Kurt. His thick, muscular arms are bent at his elbows, supporting and keeping his body upright. He looks so deliciously sinful, and he’s all Kurt’s. His hands ghost Blaine’s skin, feather-light and almost not there. It leaves Blaine trembling slightly.

“You pissed me off yesterday Blaine… guess I need some kind of payback.” Kurt whispers gently into Blaine’s ears and preens at the shiver which flows down Blaine’s back. He bites on Blaine’s ear, loving the moan which he rips from Blaine’s mouth. There’s something about reducing his boyfriend to mess of need that turns Kurt on – he finally understands why Blaine’s loves it so much. Kurt caresses the side of Blaine’s face before slowly pulling his head back by his hair. Kurt whispers, “Safeword?”

“Blueberry.” Blaine all but moans out. His voice is so desperate and wanton, Kurt loves it. He moves back and holds Blaine’s ass, kneading and pulling before he spreads them. The sight of Blaine’s clenching hole causes Kurt to groan, he’s pretty sure if coming from just the sight was possible, he would have. He licks up between Blaine’s ass before blowing slightly on the puckered skin. Blaine moans – completely needy and desperate for something, anything.

“You’re such a slut for it, you know that?” Blaine groans in response. Kurt continues to lick and suck, enjoying the way Blaine’s knees are beginning to strain and buckle under pleasure. “You’re staying in this position, you got that?”

“Yeah.” Blaine breathlessly replies, before hissing. He wasn’t expecting Kurt to spank him, but he loves the way the pain just heightens everything.

“Remember you’re place.” Kurt scolds, his tone firm. Blaine’s confused before everything clicks, he responds, “Yes sir.”

“Good boy.” Kurt resumes licking stripes, before harshly dipping his tongue in. Blaine moans loud, his voice echoing off the walls. Luckily for them, none of the windows are open – knowing the neighbours can hear, as much as a turn on for Blaine, doesn’t really ease Kurt’s mind. He likes to keep private stuff private. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it when Blaine makes him scream with pleasure.

“Ah Kurt… please just finger me…” Blaine speaks in between moans. Kurt spanks him again.

“Is that a demand?”

“No Kurt, I just – “ Blaine groans at the sting which shoots up his body.

“No _sir,”_ Kurt corrects, spanking Blaine once again. He goes back to licking Blaine, loving the way Blaine’s entire resolve just crumbles with only his tongue. Blaine tastes exquisite. He never thought he would be a 'rimming' kind of guy… still isn’t honestly. Kurt would rather be rimmed instead, but he can’t deny there’s something innately special about the act. He feels a lot more connected to Blaine with his tongue down his asshole – as if there’s no other possible way to be closer. After what seems like hours, Kurt finally thrusts one finger into Blaine.

“Oh fuck!” Blaine yells, clearly surprised. Kurt chuckles lightly, loving how responsive Blaine is. It’s actually a crime he doesn’t top more often – because a desperate Blaine is so fucking hot. Kurt shallowly thrusts his finger, further enjoying the way Blaine thrusts back, eager for more. Kurt pulls back out before shoving two fingers back in. He spreads and scizzors his fingers, stretching Blaine out.

“God, you’re fucking tight.” Kurt doesn’t even wait for a response before shoving his fingers right up to his knuckles. He grinds and rotated before crooking them down. Blaine falls apart. He drops from his hands, until his chest is flat across the bedspread, and ass hoisted up. Even though he looks fucking delicious like this, it’s not what Kurt asked for. Not what he _ordered_ Blaine to do. He pulls out before spanking Blaine on his ass once more, loving the rosy red hue which fills his cheeks.

“You’re becoming pretty disobedient…” Kurt scolds, sitting down and pulling Blaine over his lap. The turn of events confuses Blaine, until he realises what Kurt’s planning. The anticipation curling within him is over-bearing. “I want you to count after every hit. It won’t be much… around 10?”

Before Blaine can say yes, Kurt spanks him pretty hard on his right ass – eliciting a mix between a moan and a groan. Blaine’s voice shakes as he says, “One, sir.”

Kurt spanks him quickly, not really wanting to prolong the inevitable. He would rather much just fuck Blaine already, but the desperate pleas and submission from Blaine is addictive. Kurt pulls Blaine off from his lap, can see slightly the tears which had formed in Blaine’s eyes. He feels the need to assure Blaine he can safeword, “Safeword?”

Blaine takes a deep breath before replying, “Blueberry, sir.” Back to his hands and knees, Kurt stretches Blaine out with three fingers; desperate moans fill the room.

“Oh my god, please Kurt… I’m ready just fuck – “ Blaine slams his head onto the bed as Kurt plunges deep into him. It’s hot. It’s wet. It’s so fucking tight and Kurt knows for a fact he won’t last long. Kurt fucks with reckless abandon, making sure he hits that spot within Blaine every single time. He can already feel the tight curl in his stomach, the tightening of his balls – he’s so very close. Kurt leans forward, careful not to lose his rhythm, and whispers into Blaine’s ear, “You’re not coming until I say you can.”

“Yes, sir.” Blaine huffs out, his voice shaky. Blaine’s eyes are screwed shut, his body basking in the all-too-good pleasure Kurt’s giving him.

“You’re such a slut Blaine, you know that? I never would’ve guessed before I met you…” Kurt groans, he can’t hold back anymore. Blaine just feels too good wrapped around him, the tight wet heat practically pulling his orgasm out of him. Kurt yells as he comes straight into Blaine, kissing up and down his back.

“Sir, please… I’m so fucking close.”

“No.” Kurt pulls out and spreads Blaine’s ass, relishing the sight of his come slipping straight out of Blaine. Kurt quickly lubes up the plug next to him and stuffs it in, the squelching sound like music to his ears.

Kurt turns it on and sits back, watching Blaine’s entire body shake from the vibrations.

“Sir… please…” Blaine mindlessly begs, his forehead resting on his duvet. Everything is heightened. Kurt flips Blaine over onto his back looks directly into his eyes before saying,

“Ten minutes. You have to use this for ten minutes and then I’ll let you come, pet.” Kurt grins at the hooded eyes of his boyfriend. Dominating is so fucking fun, he’s definitely doing this again. He kisses up Blaine’s body, watching the minutes on the clock go by. Once it finally reaches 2:34, he envelopes Blaine’s cock in his mouth. Pulling off with a pornographic pop, “Come for me pet.”

Blaine’s entire body visibly shakes, his mouth releasing moan after moan as ropes of hot come coat his entire chest. Kurt preens at the fact he was able to make Blaine orgasm so hard that some even landed on his chin. Blaine’s chest is heaving dramatically up and down as he regains his control over his breath, the sight burning into Kurt’s mind. His bank of wank worthy images has been restocked – because watching Blaine fall apart like that was fucking sexy.

“Holy shit Kurt, I’ve never… woah…” Blaine’s hooded eyes look at Kurt as he smiles. “If all I have to do is scare the crap out of you to have sex like that, prepare for more movie nights.” Blaine jokes as he pulls Kurt on top of him. He doesn’t even mind the mess, to enrapt on the image of his boyfriend falling apart. Blaine hisses, “Uh Kurt… can you turn it off?”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Kurt fiddle with the remote before turning it off. He hugs Blaine again, tighter, completely forgiven him for everything. How could he not? That was the best sex he’s ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> You know, it's strange. Blaine is most definitely the top in their relationship, but there's something about writing him bottoming... I'm not sure what it is lol. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
